She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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