there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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