I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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