On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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