Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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