hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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