You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
