If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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