I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
