this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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