Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
