I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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