No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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