Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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