Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
