I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
