Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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