We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
