Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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