i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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