I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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