I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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