I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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