apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
