Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Found the puke drawer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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