Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
