My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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