take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
