I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
