So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
