after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
