i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize