When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
