We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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