Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
