masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize