somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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