Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
