am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
