at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
