Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
