eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
