Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
