it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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