I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
