funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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