that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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