Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
