okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
did i just pee glitter
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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