Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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