I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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