who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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