Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
