im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
