Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
