Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
