just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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