It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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