Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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