were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
