I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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