i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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