shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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