I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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