I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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