the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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