my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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