Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
